He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
