So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
