What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Sorry about my life...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
