the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
