think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
