there's paper in my vomit.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
