what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
