I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
