Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Randomize
