Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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