i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
