I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
