I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
