entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
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