Pappa wants mamma naked
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You may now shotgun with the bride
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
