I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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