I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
