I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You are a booty call, not a friend.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Randomize
