I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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