Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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