So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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