She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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