I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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