You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
