My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
