so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
