Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
