and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
