when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Boobs are out for the taking
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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