the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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