Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
