Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
