So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Randomize
