So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
