I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
