God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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