Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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