I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
