So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
