I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
