id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
