we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
