her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
