he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
