Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
