were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
