I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
