I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
