I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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