We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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