My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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