Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
